Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Twilight Inspires us in the Weirdest Ways  

Do you ever have one of those moments where you come up with a fantastical wacky idea that sounds incredibly fun and exciting and you would love to be able to pull it off but you are afraid that your friends/family/coworkers might think you are a tad bit crazy and may possibly consider locking you into a 5x7 padded cell? Or maybe the idea is so fantastical you have no idea how in the hell you are going to fund such an adventure? Well, I come up with those kinds of ideas all the time and fortunately I refuse to take "no" or "HELL no" or even "how old are you?" for an answer.

Case and point #1: The Christmas Party

About three years ago I was sitting around with my recently deceased BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) and pondering how in the hell I was going to justify buying a new one without my husband completely flipping his lid. These things are quite an investment after all (at least they are if you go for quality) and I was pretty positive that he wasn't about to drop any of our savings into a manhood threatening vibrating piece of rubber. I knew I wasn't going to be able to survive for very long without SGP 'private time' so I knew I had to come up with something quick (hehe - I said come).

I started thinking about asking for one for Christmas since it was only a month away, but I realized quickly that opening a vibrator with the rest of the family watching or even having to explain, "What did Mr. SGP get you for Christmas?" to my grandma was not an option. I mean, wouldn't it be kick ass if EVERYONE got vibrators for Christmas?

Then the lightbulb kicked on and the glorious lights of the sex toy Gods showered their brilliance upon me.

XXX Mas Party.

My goal: To throw a XXX themed Christmas Party where every adult brings a wrapped adult toy and we play "rob your neighbor" or "white elephant" or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods.

And so the annual XXX-Mas Party was born. Sure they all laughed and thought I was joking around until they got my XRated invitation in the mail a few weeks later. Sure everyone still thought it was a joke as they filed into my house with pretty wrapped boxes and gift bags from The Hustler Boutique.

Yeah we all got a good laugh when Becky took a dildo in the face after Shannon stole it from her during the second round (those girls got intense holy shit) and then she stole it back so Shannon chucked it at her from across the room. However, when all was said and done everyone left the house asking, "We are doing this next year right?"

Yes, Banders is pleased with her present.

There is always one jokester in the crowd.

Is that your chin or are you just happy to see me?

SCORE!!! Becks takes a dildo to the face.

The Dickacorn is a mystical creature...

And so a tradition was born.

Now imagine two years later and Twilight has entered my life like a runaway Mack truck.

No I am not planning a XXX Themed Twilight Party...but good idea! Something tells me the sparkle peen would be a feature item.

This story starts much like the XXX Mas Party story - minus the broken dildo. I was in my car (where I do my best thinking - and singing) and I was flipping through my iPod trying to find a Twilight related song and it fell on Flightless Bird American Mouth. I was singing along (badly) and thinking about the Prom scene which led me to think about my own HighSchool Prom experiences. Now this may come as a shock to you all but I was a bit of an odd ball in HighSchool - well honestly Nameless Wonder and I were both odd balls in High School. We were figure skaters, we had our own small Film/Photography business, and we were attached at the hip 24/7. For our Junior Prom we were totally obsessed with Titanic so we dressed like we were from that era and for our Senior Prom we dressed like vampires. Neither Prom was a costume dance mind you...we were just cool like that. Now I had a blast at both Proms and I started to wonder why we had to stop doing kick ass stuff like that just because I was now an “adult” – whatever that means.

I thought about how fun it would be to get my hair done in a cheesy Prom updo and how badly I wanted to dance the final dance to Flightless Bird, or Let me Sign, or something Twilight related.
I wanted to dance under a collection of Christmas lights so bright they made my retinas burn.
I wanted to go prom dress shopping and have some hoodlums try to rape me in a back alley and then have Edward save me with his pussy growl and shiny Volvo...ok maybe not that last part.

Bottom line: I wanted a fucking Prom.

I tentatively started bringing this idea up to my friends - conveniently leaving out the Twilight part to everyone except for Nabs – sort of testing the waters if you will. The responses I got were 50/50. Half of them thought the idea was totally rad and half asked me if I was having a mid life crisis. I didn't care what anyone said, I was planning a Prom damn it.

The main issue I seemed to be having was funding. How in the fuck was I supposed to be able to afford up front costs for a hall, keg deposit (because my Prom would not be complete without a keg), decorations, photographer and a DJ?

And what about a Theme? I couldn’t just do Monte Carlo…that would totally give away the fact that I was trying to recreate the Twilight Prom.

Enter the glorious lights of the party gods shining down on me. What if we turned Prom into a Charity event? It was a win-win!

I contacted my favorite animal charity the Pet Peace of Mind Program to see if they would be willing to help with financing the fundraiser. Not only did they totally jump on the idea, they fronted all the much needed start up fundulation! WOOT! WOOT!

I quickly created tickets.

Pay no attention to the Twilight-esque apple on the front...

Booked a photographer that agreed to work pretty close to pro-bono.

I rented a hall at an art museum and enslaved Nabs, my brother, his girlfriend, Banders, and LayLay to help with decorations. We used the FUCK out of some Christmas lights and crepe paper and VOILA!!!! We had a Prom on our hands.

Thankfully only a few people noticed that the color theme was black and red and the tickets had a red apple on the front that was similar to the Twilight book cover. Not many people noticed when I slipped in Eyes on Fire and Let Me Sign and Tremble for My Beloved in the playlist.

I may have gotten a few complaints when the last dance was to Flightless Bird…but fuck them it was my Prom.

Thankfully I had Nabs there to dance with me and enable my Twilight Prom fantasy. She might not be RPatz but she’s probably the next best thing.

What all of our Prom guests did notice is that everyone had a blast and as they left that night almost every person came to me and said, “We are doing this next year right?”

You bet your sweet asses we are.

Here are some of my favorite pictures! And for those of you who are curious we raised about $500! We hope to double that next year. Further proof that the power of Twilight really does conquer all.

So, if you want to have a Twilight Prom, or recreate the Breaking Dawn honeymoon scene complete with pillows and furniture destruction…JUST DO IT! We only live once and we should never NOT do something because someone else thinks we are crazy. Chances are, they will thank you for having bigger balls than them.

Love you all! – SGP

Prom 2009:
All Photos by Ben Fournier

My team of enablers...

Dance biatches!!!

Brother SGP and his adorable GF

I know, I'm such a handfull.

SGP and Brother SGP big pimpin'

She's so freakin' tiny.

T Nabs with the keg stand...I BOW TO YOU!!!

Lazer gettin' some.

Now THAT is what I'm talking about!!!

Yeah that's Bander, Nabs and I...we totally did that.

What next?

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12 comments: to “ Twilight Inspires us in the Weirdest Ways


    Oh. My. Gah!!!

    I need to move closer to you - wherever you are - because I really need to go to your parties - all of them!!

    I am laughing so hard I am crying right now!

    (Thanks - I was cranky, too.)

    : )


    OMG this is fabulous. im totally stealing your idea for the XXX mas party and throwing one next year. if it werent so close to christmas this year id probably do it now. i wonder how many of my friends will actually show up. lol. LOVES IT!


    @kt please feel free to steal away. We have one rule guys buy a girl gift girls buy a guy one.

    @STY You would totally have a blast. If u could only come to one party I highly reccomend attending mardi gras with us. We go all out and u will find yourself wasted and snuck into the captain Morgan beer tent covered in glitter.


    I love you. And I'm with STY - you need to move closer to us so we can party.

    Thos pictures are fabulous.

    And ur brother is kinda cute. Yummay! ;)

    And my WV is hootbe. Hmmm...


    I love u too JJ. And like I said before I think we would
    all end up in jail and probably tattooed but it would be an epic adventure for shiz.
    Yeah my brother is a cutie but why couldn't he havegotten
    the damn chunky genes...I always get effed. Seriously.
    And can we get a hell yeah for Nabs doing a kegstand in a promdress? Fucking epic.


    First off Stoney.....what the hell were you doing awake and functioning at 5am?

    @KT-the xxx-mas party is most definitely a winner! Can't go wrong with a perfect excuse to bring home a sparkly new sex toy!!!

    @ STY and JJ- holy crap guys......we would surely be a force of nature if we ever did find ourselves within the same area code! I'll start my bail/tattoo fund now!

    Stoney.....how sad is it that you mention Mardi Gras and suddenly I am no longer excited about Christmas! Is it February yet!!!! Holy shit.......I just realized that getting to the time of Mardi Gras will bring us that much closer to Eclipse!!!!!!!!! WAAHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


    Um, I totally have Mardi Gras blue balls right now.

    I'm ready for February.


    I just....I effin' love you.....'nuff said.


    Hey Stoney, I almost forgot......I may not be Rpattz, but I did lead you in a pretty fantastical waltz during flightless bird! Prom was way too much fun! Wearing that dress a second time somewhat justifies the rediculous amount of money I spent on that thing back in the day!!!

    We need to find a way to get our TwiFamily together and have a kick ass prom of our own!!!!!!!!!!


    LMAO! It looked like great fun, although I barely recognized T-Nabs without the 'stache. For next year's shindig, add a word, swap a couple letters, and it could be Twilight Porn Prom. *crickets*


    If you all live in northern CA I have to find you and your parties!!! These pics are totally fabulous. Nice work!!!


    Sorry folks who want to party with us that live on the coasts.

    We live in ST to the L...or St. Louis for those of you who aren't hip to lingo from the 'Lou. One of the most unappreciated amazing urban environments in the US...IMHO...we rock out with our cock out and jam out with our clam out...

    You really should come for a visit...