Saturday, December 26, 2009

Best X-Mas Gift EVER!!!  

As much as I sometimes try to hide my Twilight obsession from my family (really I'm just afraid they will send me away to rehab if they really knew the deep disturbing truth) - after a few beers all 'in the closet' behaviors go out the window at lightening fast speeds. So, needless to say most of my family is 110% aware of my addiction.

Last night we all sat down for a close family and friends SGP family style party in which much spirits were consumed and gifts and oddities were exchanged. My dad has a kick ass barn that he has transformed into his own personal bar and venue. The Barn is where his band "The Walt's Crawlers Band" (don't ask) holds all night jam sessions - many games of darts are won and lost - and the eclectic mix of stuff on the walls rivals any hole in the wall bar I've ever been to. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten wasted here, sung along with my dad to every Johnny Cash and Tom Petty song known to man kind - and laughed my ass off as my brother and dad play and sing the less well known Ted Nugent song "Fred Bear" (it's a Michigan thing if you are curious...check it).

Dad jammin out in "The Barn"

Anyway...this story does have a Twilight related point...

Last night in the barn - an extremely awesome family friend who shall remain unnamed because the gift he gave me was obtained through less than "honest" (pffft...whatev's it's kick ass) connections.

He handed me a gift bag at which I grimaced at because I had not purchased him a gift. He rolled his eyes and said, "Don't worry it didn't cost me anything." This made me feel just a little bit better. I opened the gift bag and started digging around and buried at the very bottom of the festive christmas colored mix of fluffy tissue paper was a small roll of what looked like film.

Since he knows I'm a photographer my first impression was that it was something to do with that. I don't handle much 35mm film anymore since I'm almost completely digital but you never know. I held it up and he started grinning like a kid in fat camp who had just found a snickers bar.

"Now you have your own piece of New Moon."

Holy fucking goat shit on a hot tar driveway. I carefully removed the tape from the tightly wound film and out spooled an entire scene clipped from a New Moon movie reel. Turns out Mystery Family Member knows someone who works at a movie theater and before they packed up the reel and sent it off to where ever it goes - he snipped out the entire Jacob transforming into a wolf scene and a few small snippets (Edward and Bella in the woods - half naked Jacob - and the New Moon title frame). I just keep thinking that that movie reel is going to end up at a $1 show somewhere and the poor saps sitting there are going to hear, "JAKE RUN!" and then there will be a disjointed skip and then you will see two wolves, Bella, and the rest of the pack. Oh well.

Does that make me a really bad person?

Sure it may be silly - but that was probably the best Christmas gift EVER.

I have no clue what I'm going to do with them, but I'm super stoked to add this new addition to my growing shrine to Twilight.

Just for fun - I leave you with some awesome pictures from last night. And FYI - I still hurt.

Proof of our family's dorkdom - you can see that we like spiked eggnog, my dad's homemade pickles, my awesome mom bought her best friend Twilight (I told her welcome to my world - here is my blog address and when you are ready for fanfiction email me), and my uncle received a kick ass storm troopers mug...oh yeah, and some Heine in honor of RPatz in there too.

Brother SGP says, "Christmas is fucking rad."

Is it piss in a jar? Is it apple juice? No, it's home made cinnamon was pretty effing good too. That xmas glass behind it was full and I drank the whole damn thing straight up.

Check it out - it's my hubby's car when it ran in Pinks All Out!!! Any of you ladies who have mechanically inclined husbands must feel my pain when I am forced to watch Pinks All Out and me, it could be worse.

Best of all, my mom got brother SGP and I a handjob for Christmas. That's right...a handjob.

Have no idea what I'm talking about or why this is effing hilarious? Check it out:

I hope everyone had a great XMas!

Mucho's love from the frozen tundra that is Michigan...(I miss St. Louis).

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11 comments: to “ Best X-Mas Gift EVER!!!


    I actually went to just to check that was real.

    Your mum is a genius.

    I am so jealous about the film reel btw!



    Maybe the Edward frames could find a nice home at my house? Super secret family friend haha! Still miss you.......stop partying and come home!


    Brother SGP is cute, especially with the Rob-like beanie.


    I want to spend xmas at The Barn next year. And your brother is awesome...I think we need to bring "rad" back.

    Beyond jealous of your NM blackmarket film clips! I assume you bought a massive locking fireproof safe to store them in? I'm so gonna need a separate room to store all my twi-shit.

    Merry Xmas to you girls from The Twiangle!


    @Poptart - My mom totally roxors my boxors. Brother SGP and I both opened the present and said, "Thanks Uncle Greg!!!" And then died laughing.

    @Nabs - Biatch. I totally miss you too. Don't know if you caught TSwift on SNL but she did a skit with these two besties and they were talking in bff code and laughing hysterically over inside jokes and the boyfriend of one of them was getting uber pissed off and I was like, "Yep. That's me 'n Nabs."

    @ZMouse - Yes, my bro has some RPatz like qualities but I try to ignore that b/c it is disturbing.

    @Rob's - TOTALLY come chill with us next year. I think we should have a party just for twitards.
    And I already have mission: BRING "RAD" BACK full swing. It is a regular part of my vocabulary right now. You should totally jump on the would be rad. *snicker*

    VW: Direepp
    Direepp - Diarrhea/Pee Pee

    "I have had so much Heine and junk food tonight tomorrow I'm going to have some nasty direepp"


    Stoney, didn't see the SNL. In the words of Twilight, I'll google it!

    @Z- Stoney's bro is even cuter in person, but just like Rpattz he has an almost annoyingly perfect pint size girlfriend! Seriously, he even had her dance on his feet to "Flightless Bird" at our prom. The girl had no idea how completely awesome the moment was because sadly she has never watched or read Twilight! Le Sigh and Le WTF.....what do you mean she has never seen Twilight?

    @Rob's - wasn't there a movie back in the 80's that had BMXers that delivered papers called RAD? I remember there being a really cool song in that movie, but have no idea what it was!


    I totally checked on the Rad movie situation and I was right. It was a movie and the song was "Send me an Angel"!


    Holy Shitballs! One more thing you and I have in friggin common, Pinks and Pinks All Out, I hear that crap in my sleep! My husband would give his left nut to be on with his Mustang........


    You are the only Twifan I know that has such a unique piece of awesomness for your collection! I am beyond jealous! That cinnamon vodka sounds delicious too!


    Okay I was jealous of the cinnamon vodka until I kept reading about the secret friend's gift.

    So what are you just keeping those Edward frames to yourself or have you got them locked away in a safe deposit box?

    3 days later are you still looking for them????

    I can't believe you are just teasing us over this!!!!


    I did find them actually.
    I will throw them up today or tomorrow...I've had a long weekend. : ) JUUUUUST got home. I haven't even unpacked yet and I'm on here checking GO ME!!!