Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Renesmee: The Good, The Bad, the Fugly  

So I hate to do this, but I think that I might have to.......RENESMEE....RENESMEE.......RENESMEE!!!

I thought a bit of desensitization may have been in order!

It seems that everything ever said about Renesmee is completely negative. Her very existence in our vampire world upsets many Twihards to the core! I have declared myself to be Team Switzerland from the very beginning of my Twilight days. My neutrality extends beyond the confines of Edward and Jacob and stakes its way into any Twi-argument I become a part of.

Actually, I am Switzerland every moment of my life....just ask anyone who has ever asked me to pick a restaurant for dinner!!! [Note from SGP: Um...she speaks truth. Just today I sent her a text that said, "Has Team Switzerland decided whether or not they are going to the pumpkin patch today?"]

For today's sake I am just going to take the role of Team Renesmee...I know....I know...but I feel it necessary to explore a bit!

OK....So, most of the things that are complained about in Breaking Dawn are spawned directly from Renesmee in some way either it be her conception, her birth, or the pussy “fight” with the Volturi!

I'm not afraid to admit that my first time through BD, she really didn't bother me all that much!

I was actually really happy for them that they had a child together. I imagined how beautiful she was, and truly felt how whole it made them feel. It honestly wasn't until after I had read the whole thing that I went, “WTF Meyer, what a freaggin cop out, you gave everyone exactly what they wanted, and made no sacrifices what-so-ever!” Then I remembered that the series was written for TEENAGERS by a woman of a very conservative background! Although I yearned for more; deep down I knew that it was wrong to ever expect it! (Thank you Jacob's Nessie loving Wolf Stick for the wonderful world of Fan Fiction).

Now, imprinting seems to be one of the biggest arguments out there. Jacob and Quil both imprint on children. First knee jerk reaction is always EEEWWWW, but is it really that bad? (I'm going to go ahead and put out a warning that I am going to leave the safe world of sarcasm and mockery for just a bit to make a serious point here, sorry, bare with me, but I can't seem to help myself)

Soul Mate....what powerful meaning those simple words have to us all. Don't we desire above all to be with our soul's perfect match. Some beliefs tell us that the soul travels through many lifetimes on this planet in different bodies. In those lifetimes the soul feels what the consciousness does not remember, and finds a way back to those it has loved throughout time. Our souls find old friends and lovers. We all meet people that we are instantly attracted to and go, “I feel like I've known you forever” in this sense it is likely that maybe you have. I digress, back to my me it almost seems so incredibly romantic (can't think of a less corny word here) that even though their bodies physical age didn't line up, SM found a way for Jacob and Quil to find their one true match.

HHHhhmmmmmm, I just had a thought, what if Edward had somehow come across Bella as a child. Doesn't a rose at any age smell as sweet? What would he do? Surely he wouldn't drink her, but he would remain obsessed. He may stalk her, protect her, maybe even love her? Would we have been ok with that? I really don't know.

It seems that this is way too broad of a topic to rightfully argue in such a format. In an effort to not bore any of you to tears I am going to end on this......I may not fully agree with the way the series ended. I may think that Miss Meyer should have grown a pair and thrown us an effing bone. I may love my Naughty Edward, but I also LOVE Twilight! Reading the series and all that has followed has changed my life! I will forever be thankful to Stephanie Meyer for giving us all such a gift! I may say that I wanted more from the books, but honestly, it is their innocence that makes them so amazing and unique!

Nessie says, "You haters can suck it!"
Thanks to our own Nameless Wonder for designing this!!! U roxors my boxors.

Love you all.........T-Nabs!

Ok T-Nabs. You said your peace and holy shizzle it was awesome. I have to admit I’m going to have a rough time following that eloquent piece of bloggy persuasion. If I were any less of a badass I would probably jump ship right now and say, “Fuck it. That half breed can stay.” But lucky for you all, I am a badass motha that has a pretty strong opinion when it comes to the Loch Ness monster.

I will start by saying that I agree with T-Nabs in regards to the storyline and where SM was taking it. It is quite obvious that “You Know Who” was the Prozac that made everyone oh so Leave-it-to-Fucking-Beaver happy by the end of Breaking Dawn.

Edward and Bella got to experience parenthood against all odds, Rosalie got a shot at being a surrogate mommy, bi-polar Edward was OK with turning Bella into a vampire because this time it was for a good cause, Jacob got his pseudo Bella, and all the other characters had rainbows and fairy dust shooting out of their asses at the mere sight of Little Miss Thatsjustwrong.

Me likey.

And no, I’m not a total twat face, I get the whole soul mate argument and blah blah blah…but FUUUUUUCK me! That tiny creeper in a onesie stole Breaking Dawn from me and I’m fucking pissed off about it.

So why is it that I hate an innocent half-human baby-lady so much? No, it’s not because she is the byproduct of Bella and Edwards gunshot-to-the-head worthy disappointment of a gravy swap in Breaking Dawn, nor is my irritation based solely on her fucking ridiculous mish-mash of a name, in all honesty it has more to do with the horrible injustice that she brings upon my fuzzy muscle muffin – Jacob.

I really don't want my Jacob on one of these Sex Offender sites...

As you may have noticed at this point that I am 100% Team Jacob. I know the vast majority of you ladies are on Team Sparkles-A-Lot and I really can’t blame you. I openly admit to have dabbled with Team Switzerland myself, especially in the beginning. Although, by the time I finished New Moon I found myself dipping my toe into the dangerous waters of Team Jacob, mostly because he was tall – dark – and on a motorcycle.

Holy fuck nuts... do I have a mad weakness for guys on motorcycles.

So there I was, experimenting with Jacob but still playing for Team E, when I read the scene in Eclipse when Jacob showed up at Forks High School and he and Edward had a mini-face off in the parking lot. The description of Jacob leaning against his Harley, powerful arms folded across his chest…humina, humina…I’m drooling at the mere thought. I remember setting the book down and having a Twilight mind-fuck of a dilemma.
Edward or Jacob? It came down to 1: A sexy tortured pretty boy who sparkles and drives a shiny Volvo; or 2: A tall dark bad boy on a motorcycle.

You bet your sweet underage fictional character loving asses I picked the sexy wolf.

It was this new found love for Jacob that really pushed me over the edge when Renesme came into the picture.

When I picked up on the fact that Bella was preggo in BD I seriously considered throwing my book across the room. I stared at the pages, not really seeing the words, and tried not to hyperventilate. Even if the foreshadowing had been even a bit more on the clever side I still would have picked up where that baby train was headed; straight for my Jacob.

Does this only disturb me?

So then I am to forced to get through chapter after chapter of Bella almost dying and luuuuurving it because it is all in the name of her devil baby....all so her spawn could chew its way out of her fleshy baby pouch so that it could use it’s magic on Jacob to make him worship her. Even though I knew it was coming I still couldn’t hold back the vomit when Jacob imprinted on the creepy baby with teeth.

Fucking sketchy SM…seriously fucking sketchy.

Jacob Black has now been reduced to Creeper Mc Creeperson

I can’t tell you how desperately I wanted Jacob to have a hot and heavy relationship. He deserves some love damnit! Now he has to spend the next five or six years babysitting and changing diapers. That seems so fucking unfair I can’t even tell you. Bella was such a cock tease for so long and now he has to wait even longer for a hybrid baby to grow up into his perfect mate, all the while watching his former love interest – who will eventually be his mother in law – getting it on all night with her new husband. EW Ew Ew, so not cool.

So, that is about it. I do not hate the fact that NessDizzle exists…I don’t hate her presence in the book, I just can’t STAND the fact that Jacob didn’t even have a chance. He was fucked from the beginning.

I'm a sexy hormonal teenager and you are going to hook me up with an infant? Seriously lame.

Nessie, I’m cool with you being around. Your full set of teeth and your messy exodus from your mommy’s uterus kind of makes me vom in my mouth a little, but I know you can’t help who and what you are. It isn’t your fault that mommy and daddy didn’t put a raincoat on. But please for the love of all things Holy…lay off Jacob.

He needs a real woman to show him around...after he turn's 18 of course.

Fuck to the Yeah!!!

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6 comments: to “ Renesmee: The Good, The Bad, the Fugly


    good points all round ladies, well done.

    I personally don't have a problem with Nessie being there, I didn't love the whole pregnancy/birthing bit, but, I thought it was kind of cool for Rosalie to get that bit, for Edward to feel like he didn't cost Bella certain things, and for them to have a child together.

    I like that she didn't leave Nessie being alone forever, and she took care of Jake too, but, I don't like that jake imprinted on a newborn. feels like a copout!

    I don't know how I would have done it differently, but, I don't like the whole, "yeah, I used to have the hots for you, now I'll be doing your daughter in a few years and you'll be my mother in law"

    Maybe some of Nahuel's sisters could have come up and Jacob could have imprinted on one of them, and maybe Nessie and Nahuel could get together down the road, he could go back to South America now and in a few years when he comes to visit again and Nessie is grown up they could have their own romance. something like that may have been a little less on the creep side.

    Cause when it boils down, the whole had the hots for you then when you totally threw me aside, i fell for your daughter thing is what bothers me the most, plus, they've already done it in the "Tower and Hive" series by Anne McCaffrey (the rowan, damia, etc)


    I've been reading BD in my "rotation" and well, I guess it bothers me less than it used to... But imprinting will never be 100% ok even though "it's just a friend/brother now" yadda-yadda-yadda - STILL. Creepster.

    i'll admit that i love happy endings, so i was not rabid that everyone got what they wanted. would have helped the story if SOMETHING more would have happened at the "fight" but given how SM had written the saga up to that point, I wasn't really surprised. (Sister Snarky was TICKED! lol)

    : )

    love the binky pic btw! hehe...


    @Molly - I think you totally have a Jacob fanfiction on your hands...if you are of that persuasion. Great ideas in there.

    @STY - I know, I really should've seen it coming...but I expected SOME conflict. Oh wells..I still love SM and her fluff.


    As much as I love, lust, desire, and want (in a totally not-a-pedo-way) Jacob, I am okay with the Nessie storyline. Maybe I'm a sucker for a really good "wow, never thought THAT would happen" hook-up. Maybe deep down I'm hoping Jacob wises up and one day meets a cute housewife/mom thats a little bit (okay, alot)older than him and falls deeply madly in love.
    Wait, what was I saying?
    Got a little lost in a fantasy there, sorry.
    Anyway, my point is I'm hoping that IF there is another book in the works, SM plans on letting Jacob have a happy ending (oh god, I'm sorry, that just sounds wrong.)
    I'm gonna stop now. sheesh.


    Misty, you are my Team Jacob partner in crime. I want to give Jacob a happy ending...when he's old enough of course.

  • Megan


    I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't hate renesmee with the fires of hell. And like STY, I like happy endings, and I know it was a little fluffy, but I LOVED Breaking Dawn despite its kinda-creepy goodness.

    And BTW, love love LOVE your blog. I haven't been here before, but now I'm hooked! :)