It seems that everything ever said about Renesmee is completely negative. Her very existence in our vampire world upsets many Twihards to the core! I have declared myself to be Team Switzerland from the very beginning of my Twilight days. My neutrality extends beyond the confines of Edward and Jacob and stakes its way into any Twi-argument I become a part of.

Actually, I am Switzerland every moment of my life....just ask anyone who has ever asked me to pick a restaurant for dinner!!! [Note from SGP: Um...she speaks truth. Just today I sent her a text that said, "Has Team Switzerland decided whether or not they are going to the pumpkin patch today?"]

For today's sake I am just going to take the role of Team Renesmee...I know....I know...but I feel it necessary to explore a bit!

OK....So, most of the things that are complained about in Breaking Dawn are spawned directly from Renesmee in some way either it be her conception, her birth, or the pussy “fight” with the Volturi!

I'm not afraid to admit that my first time through BD, she really didn't bother me all that much!

I was actually really happy for them that they had a child together. I imagined how beautiful she was, and truly felt how whole it made them feel. It honestly wasn't until after I had read the whole thing that I went, “WTF Meyer, what a freaggin cop out, you gave everyone exactly what they wanted, and made no sacrifices what-so-ever!” Then I remembered that the series was written for TEENAGERS by a woman of a very conservative background! Although I yearned for more; deep down I knew that it was wrong to ever expect it! (Thank you Jacob's Nessie loving Wolf Stick for the wonderful world of Fan Fiction).

Now, imprinting seems to be one of the biggest arguments out there. Jacob and Quil both imprint on children. First knee jerk reaction is always EEEWWWW, but is it really that bad? (I'm going to go ahead and put out a warning that I am going to leave the safe world of sarcasm and mockery for just a bit to make a serious point here, sorry, bare with me, but I can't seem to help myself)

Soul Mate....what powerful meaning those simple words have to us all. Don't we desire above all to be with our soul's perfect match. Some beliefs tell us that the soul travels through many lifetimes on this planet in different bodies. In those lifetimes the soul feels what the consciousness does not remember, and finds a way back to those it has loved throughout time. Our souls find old friends and lovers. We all meet people that we are instantly attracted to and go, “I feel like I've known you forever” in this sense it is likely that maybe you have. I digress, back to my point.....to me it almost seems so incredibly romantic (can't think of a less corny word here) that even though their bodies physical age didn't line up, SM found a way for Jacob and Quil to find their one true match.

HHHhhmmmmmm, I just had a thought, what if Edward had somehow come across Bella as a child. Doesn't a rose at any age smell as sweet? What would he do? Surely he wouldn't drink her, but he would remain obsessed. He may stalk her, protect her, maybe even love her? Would we have been ok with that? I really don't know.

It seems that this is way too broad of a topic to rightfully argue in such a format. In an effort to not bore any of you to tears I am going to end on this......I may not fully agree with the way the series ended. I may think that Miss Meyer should have grown a pair and thrown us an effing bone. I may love my Naughty Edward, but I also LOVE Twilight! Reading the series and all that has followed has changed my life! I will forever be thankful to Stephanie Meyer for giving us all such a gift! I may say that I wanted more from the books, but honestly, it is their innocence that makes them so amazing and unique!


My TURN!!! MY TURN!!!
Ok T-Nabs. You said your peace and holy shizzle it was awesome. I have to admit I’m going to have a rough time following that eloquent piece of bloggy persuasion. If I were any less of a badass I would probably jump ship right now and say, “Fuck it. That half breed can stay.” But lucky for you all, I am a badass motha that has a pretty strong opinion when it comes to the Loch Ness monster.

I will start by saying that I agree with T-Nabs in regards to the storyline and where SM was taking it. It is quite obvious that “You Know Who” was the Prozac that made everyone oh so Leave-it-to-Fucking-Beaver happy by the end of Breaking Dawn.

Edward and Bella got to experience parenthood against all odds, Rosalie got a shot at being a surrogate mommy, bi-polar Edward was OK with turning Bella into a vampire because this time it was for a good cause, Jacob got his pseudo Bella, and all the other characters had rainbows and fairy dust shooting out of their asses at the mere sight of Little Miss Thatsjustwrong.



And no, I’m not a total twat face, I get the whole soul mate argument and blah blah blah…but FUUUUUUCK me! That tiny creeper in a onesie stole Breaking Dawn from me and I’m fucking pissed off about it.

So why is it that I hate an innocent half-human baby-lady so much? No, it’s not because she is the byproduct of Bella and Edwards gunshot-to-the-head worthy disappointment of a gravy swap in Breaking Dawn, nor is my irritation based solely on her fucking ridiculous mish-mash of a name, in all honesty it has more to do with the horrible injustice that she brings upon my fuzzy muscle muffin – Jacob.


As you may have noticed at this point that I am 100% Team Jacob. I know the vast majority of you ladies are on Team Sparkles-A-Lot and I really can’t blame you. I openly admit to have dabbled with Team Switzerland myself, especially in the beginning. Although, by the time I finished New Moon I found myself dipping my toe into the dangerous waters of Team Jacob, mostly because he was tall – dark – and on a motorcycle.

Holy fuck nuts... do I have a mad weakness for guys on motorcycles.

So there I was, experimenting with Jacob but still playing for Team E, when I read the scene in Eclipse when Jacob showed up at Forks High School and he and Edward had a mini-face off in the parking lot. The description of Jacob leaning against his Harley, powerful arms folded across his chest…humina, humina…I’m drooling at the mere thought. I remember setting the book down and having a Twilight mind-fuck of a dilemma.
Edward or Jacob? It came down to 1: A sexy tortured pretty boy who sparkles and drives a shiny Volvo; or 2: A tall dark bad boy on a motorcycle.

You bet your sweet underage fictional character loving asses I picked the sexy wolf.

It was this new found love for Jacob that really pushed me over the edge when Renesme came into the picture.

When I picked up on the fact that Bella was preggo in BD I seriously considered throwing my book across the room. I stared at the pages, not really seeing the words, and tried not to hyperventilate. Even if the foreshadowing had been even a bit more on the clever side I still would have picked up where that baby train was headed; straight for my Jacob.

So then I am to forced to get through chapter after chapter of Bella almost dying and luuuuurving it because it is all in the name of her devil baby....all so her spawn could chew its way out of her fleshy baby pouch so that it could use it’s magic on Jacob to make him worship her. Even though I knew it was coming I still couldn’t hold back the vomit when Jacob imprinted on the creepy baby with teeth.

Fucking sketchy SM…seriously fucking sketchy.


I can’t tell you how desperately I wanted Jacob to have a hot and heavy relationship. He deserves some love damnit! Now he has to spend the next five or six years babysitting and changing diapers. That seems so fucking unfair I can’t even tell you. Bella was such a cock tease for so long and now he has to wait even longer for a hybrid baby to grow up into his perfect mate, all the while watching his former love interest – who will eventually be his mother in law – getting it on all night with her new husband. EW Ew Ew, so not cool.

So, that is about it. I do not hate the fact that NessDizzle exists…I don’t hate her presence in the book, I just can’t STAND the fact that Jacob didn’t even have a chance. He was fucked from the beginning.



Nessie, I’m cool with you being around. Your full set of teeth and your messy exodus from your mommy’s uterus kind of makes me vom in my mouth a little, but I know you can’t help who and what you are. It isn’t your fault that mommy and daddy didn’t put a raincoat on. But please for the love of all things Holy…lay off Jacob.

He needs a real woman to show him around...after he turn's 18 of course.