Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Oh to Forks We'll Go - Dirty Seuss  

It is official...


Yes it is true, TwiSoup will be making an appearance at the Twitarded Forks event of the century. We are bringing along some Twitardy friends and we are getting in our rental car and driving to the Pac Northwest.....ROAD TRIP STYLE!!!!!

Now, like many of you girls, I have a hubby to get through who isn't so hip on my Twilight obsession. He doesn't hate it, he just doesn't quite understand it. I knew I would have to tread lightly when broaching the subject because one wrong move on my part would ruin my chances forever. And as most of you know, this trip means more to me than anything in the world. I will just die if I can't go to FFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for those of you who don't know my husband he can be slightly intimidating.

Meet Mr. SGP:

He always looks angry...

I love him desperately but sometimes he can be a bit closed minded when it comes to road trips..alone with my girlfriends... across the US to visit the town where a fictional story takes place. Bottom line -He thinks it's weird.

I finally got the balls to ask him a few days ago and I was incredibly shocked to hear him say, "We will talk about it." To which I responded immediately by texting Nabs: HE SAID I COULD GO TO FORKS!!!!

So we booked a room - rented a car - and we are anxiously biding our time until we get to leave on our 36 hour road trip to Twilight Mecca.

To Honor our upcoming trip we have written a poem about it...well...we actually re-wrote a poem.

adapted from Oh the Places You'll Go - Dr. Seuss

Today is our day.
We're off to Great Places!
We're off and away!

We have Vodka in our bags.
We have Twilight on the brain.
We will steer ourselves in one direction
we have absolutely no shame.
We're on your own. No penis to say, "NO!"

WE are the bitches who’ll decide where to go.

We’ll ride into Forks,
Stoked to finally be there.
To the natives we'll warn, "You better beware!"
With our bags full of Vodka and Twilight on the brain, The town of Forks will never be the same.

And we will take the town by storm.
With squees and screams!
Like bee's we'll swarm.

At the Forks motel we will all come together.
With little jumps for joy we will laugh, cry and cuss.
You just can't stop chicks as funny and smart as us.

In Forks magic will surely happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.

Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
Oh to Forks we all will Go!

From all over the country!
We will be quite a sight!
We'll join ranks in Forks where our panties will ignite!

Now start saving money, don't give up or be guarded.
Or you’ll miss a great time in Forks with Twitarded.
Some of you might fly, us poor folks will drive.
However you come is fine and alright.

Except when you don’t.
Because, then we will drunk dial your phone.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true..
If you miss this pilgrimage you will be sad and so blue.

We plan on some dancing.
And a shot or two or three...
We'll be hung-over together, arrested together it'll be so fun, you'll see!
We will do fun activities! Hurry up don't be slow!
I can't wait to see this herd of ho's hiking it in Hoh!

We will go to Port Angeles and shake up the city.
We'll laugh dance and play and get wasted and shitty!
Will someone get arrested? Will we all end up in jail!
Don't you worry! We've got it covered! Someone will post bail!

Some will take trains or a bus or a plane.
Some will come from Australia and Canada and Spokane.
Sure some naysayers will think we're totally insane.
But No! It's not true!
This will be our escape from all that is normal and maddeningly mundane.

We will see awesome places and become best of friends!
With lots of giggles and pissing of pants!
We'll be ready for anything! We will all have a ball!
Do you think that Forks is ready for us all?

Oh to Forks we will go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things that can happen in Forks will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Except when you get a hangover that just sucks balls.

And when we're together there is a chance that we'll do things that go deep deep down into Twilight history. Memories we'll think of when we are old and with friends and we'll laugh and we'll smile and we'll piss our Depends.

While there's not much to do and the weather is foul.
To Forks we will go hot chicks on the prowl.
To Bella Italia we'll go and holy moley, we'll all order two cokes and a plate of mushroom ravioli. In Hoh we will hike. We will try to find the meadow and take turns acting out the scene even without a fellow.

Sure our hubbies don't get it, they can be kind of slow.
They don't feel what we feel they don't know what we know.
So be sure when you break the news to your hubby.
Step with care and great tact and remember that we will help you hide the body.
Just never forget to be strong and do a good job.
Don’t take no for an answer ask him while you slob on his knob.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Today is our day!
Forks is waiting.
So…get get out of our way!

We are totally going we are two proud dorks!
So…be your name STY or LatchKey Wife or JJ or VitaminR70 or the rest of you biatches we love, we will see you in Forks!

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15 comments: to “ Oh to Forks We'll Go - Dirty Seuss


    when you two mix Dr. Suess and Twiobsession its like a beautiful symphony! Congrats on your upcoming trip!


    Fantastic re-writting of oh the places you'll go.

    Oh I'll be seeing you there!


    I wanna go...



    @Susie - Thanks for the congrats!
    We have some dirty dir-tay Suess in the works...don't you worry.

    @Cullenary - CAN'T.WAIT

    @Poptaart - Dude...DO IT. Seriously. You can bunk with us. It will be squishy but we can do it.


    Hello, I'm coming out of lurkdom to become an official blog follower. I love you guys!!! (*waves to all the familiar faces!*) For my first official blog comment, I'd like to say FFFFOOOORRRRKKKSSSS!!!!


    okaays. my first comment here too, though i've been stalking for a bit!! i am going apetard over this post...i...i...*sputters and gasps in best bella fashion* i don't have words!! obvs. this post actually makes me want to go to FFOOOOOORRRRRKKKKSSSS!!! i'll admit i wasn't really on board before...kinda meh. last night me and the hubs were discussing this mass pilgrimage to the mecca of all things twi, and i swear to sweet baby jeebus that he was actually trying to talk me into going!!!! SAY. WHAT. NOW? guys are roadtripping...sounds faboosh!! got room for one more??
    am i too late to get in on this??



    The creativity in Twitardia blows my mind. Your Oh the Place We'll Go - FFOORRKKKSS is just amazing. I am practically speechless.


    I feel like a bit of a porn star right now, we got to pop three cherries in one night! It's a fuckin hat-trick!

    @Twilove, E, and Dangrdafne - I'm so glad you three came out of the lonely land of lurkdom and came out to play! I'm so in love with the fact that everyone writes Forks as FFFFFOOOOORRRRRKKKKKKSSSSSS! I can't read it without shouting it in my head and then doing a little happy dance! E, yes we are roadtripping it.....we've got 4 full grown women in one tiny little car. We're probably taking on more body mass in one singular vehicle to be tollerable as is, but we'll gladly lead the wagon train to anyone that wants to join in the fun!

    Merci Beacoup to everyone for all the fun it really 9 months until September....gasp.....I don't know if my heart can handle this kind of anticipation!


    it looks like i might have some travel plans to make. i don't fly. personal reasons. so roadhead, er no, i mean roadtrips rule for me!! i'm in the midwest (MN) if anyone else might be game. and on the way to FFOOOOORRRRKKKKSSS!!! goodgawddayam. i'm starting to feel like a fucking conformist and shit. but i kinda likey.


    vw: aughsi. as in aughsi wtf i been willingly dragged into??!! hmph.


    Is it September yet?


    I can't go to Forks
    But I'll be there in spirit
    Drinking my Vodka
    I can't wait to hear it!


    Can't wait!! I just jizzed in my pants!!


    I love you crazy bitches and your seussical shenanigans. The Great Twitarded Migration of 2010 might, just might, happen to coincide with The Twiangle Twication that's been on the back burner for the past 6 months.

    Slob the I know how to finally approach Mr. Swiss (who reminds me a lot of Mr. SGP).

    Fingers crossed ladies!


    You guys are so fucking creative it kills me! I will see you BITCHES in FORKS! I talked to Mr. Latchkey this morning - he said yes. No blowjob required. Booked my plane ticket and room and I'll see you in September.

    Where are you driving from? That seems like a long roadtrip!


    I can't believe I missed this!!! Wow rl has been a cruel mistress these last coupla weeks, that's all I can say. I CANNOT WAIT 'til we all get to FOOOOORRRRKKSS!! and I am glad that Mr. SGP is ok-ish with the trip (kinds like Mr. Snarky) - and I don't think he looks angry, fwiw. : )