Sunday, November 8, 2009

Dirty Seuss: TwiSoup takes on The Cat in the Hat  

This post is full of graphic sexual situations...if you are not 18+ or you are a prude who is easily offended by some good hard fucking...then please stop reading now.

So we all know how much T-Nabs and I LUUUURVE 'The Office'. Our Power Panties quest should be proof enough of that. Well, we have taken our love for this amazing bit of sexy fanfiction and written our own homage to it...Dirty Seuss Style.

***And if you haven't read it MUST!!! Here is some linkage: The Office ***

I am sure you all remember our first installment "Bella's Virgin Clam" well, I warmly welcome you all to sit back, relax, and enjoy our version of "The Cat in the Hat". . . I will warn you though, this is much much naughtier than the last one. The subject matter of course was slightly more saucy.

I hope you like it! If you do... show us some love and comment and maybe we will do some more...

Awww who the fuck am I kidding, we will do more anyway because we laugh our asses off in the process. Nothing like a bottle of wine...or two...split between two friends while forever ruining the most sacred of childhood reading classics.

So, without futher ado...

"The Beautiful 'B' and Me"
based on "The Office"
Ripped off from Dr. Seuss: The Cat in the Hat

The sun did not shine
It was a really rough day
As I sat in the office
Watching the clock tick tick away.

I sat there with Angela
We sat there, we two.
And I said, "How I wish
my boss Beautiful Bastard
Would go to Timbuktu."

It was almost time to go home.
I had one more thing to do.
Go over a presentation with Beautiful B.
He was going to be an asshole, that much I knew.

So I walked in the room
and there he sat
I did not like it.
I did not like and that is that.


And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made me jump.

I looked!
I felt his hand on my rump!
I looked!
And I saw him!
It was the Beautiful B's hand on my ass.
And he said to me,
"Why do you torture me like that?"

"Fuck me you are wet
I want to touch you where the sun is not sunny
Let me tear off those panties, my how these are yummy."

"I know some good games we could play, "
He said in a whisper.
"I know some new tricks
A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you
And Ms. Swan
You will not mind at all if I do."

Then with the smoothness
of a blues and jazz singer
He reached down under
and inserted a finger.

But the voice in my head said, "No! No!"
Make that Beautiful Bastard go away!
Tell that Beautiful Bastard
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here.
He is immoral and corrupt!
He should not be here
Tell him to get fucked!

"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" Said my boss.
"My tricks are not bad,"
And he ripped open my blouse disregarding all costs.
"Why, we can have
lots of good fun, even a blast!
With a game that I call
Get-up-up against that glass."

"What are you doing?" I asked
"This just isn't right!
Put me down Mr. Cullen!"
"Oh Ms. Swan you're so tight!"

"You are such a tease!" Said the Beautiful B.
"I will not let you go
I will fuck you so hard
and won't stop until I blow.
I'll split you in two.
Ms. Swan just wait and see!
But that is not ALL I can do!"
said the Beautiful B...

"Look at you!!
Look at you now!" said the Beautiful B.
"With you pressed against glass!
Look at your legs!
Fuck! Look at your ass!
And look!
I will fuck you so silly!
But that's not all,
Oh no.
That is not all..."

"Look at you!
Look at me!
Look at us NOW!
It is fun to have fun.
But you have to know how.
I can hold onto your ass.
And rip off your lace!
I can pound you hard!
I like to see the look on your face!
I can fuck you silly!
Look how wet you’ve become!
And look! With my cock!
I can make you cum!
I can fuck with my cock!
While you fondle my balls!
But that is not all.
Oh no.
That is not all….”

That is what the beautiful B said
Before I bent down to give him head!
He came hard in my mouth.
And I looked up at him from below
I shrugged, after all
Getting him off was quid pro quo.

Off home we both went
I was pissed I was hot!
I asked, “Do I like this?
Oh no! I do not.
This is not a good game,”
I said as I lit.
“No I do not like it,
Not one little bit!”

“Now look what you did!”
I told Beautiful B the next day.
“Look at my panties!
You destroyed them, you will pay!
You will pay for my clothes
That you destroyed last night.
You will pay for what you did
You will pay, oh that’s right!
I SHOULD NOT be here
This isn’t good, I’m not a whore!
You get out of my life!’
I yelled as I slammed the door.

“But I like you right here.
Oh I like it a lot.”
Said the Beautiful B
As he kissed me, so hot.
“I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so,” Said the Beautiful B,
“So so so….
I will show you another good game that I know!”

And then he ripped them.
As fast as a fox.
He ripped of f my panties
And fingered my box.
But that wasn’t enough
I needed more than his hand
“I want your mouth on me.”
I said, and he obeyed my command.

With my heel on his shoulder
He licked at my bean
“I will call this game Fun-In-A-Box,”
Said the Beautiful B.
“In this box is one thing
I will show you now.
You will like this thing.”
Said Beautiful B with a bow.

"I will suck on your clit.
You will be unable to fathom
This thing you will feel
Is called an orgasm.
This thing will not bite you.
It really is fun!:
Then out of his pants
Came ball two and ball one.
And he rammed his cock in me,
He said, “How do you do?”
Flapping against my ass
Was ball one and ball two.

And silly me
Did not know what to do.
So I did what he said
I fucked him hard too.
I let him fuck me!
I let him fuck me, “No! No!”
This man should not affect me
So strongly! Please let me go!

“I should not be here!
Even though you are so hot!
Get out!
Get out!
I don’t want to get caught!”

“Have no fear little girl,”
Said the Beautiful B.
“These things are good things.
You are hot. Oh, so hot!
You are such a cock tease.
Come here, spread your legs
I will make you come with ease.”

“Now here is a game you will like,”
I said to the B.
“I will show you my ass
In the lift, you will see!

“No! That’s not fair!
You are such a cock tease
I will cover this camera before anyone see’s
Oh, the things I will hump!
Oh, your ass I will hit!
Oh, and you will like it!
You hot little bitch.”

Then the Beautiful B
Hit the button on the wall
And the elevator
Came to a stall.
My body went as he pushed me into the wall.

Finger one Finger two
They went in they went out
In the slick wet of my center
I wanted to shout!
With his cock hot my back
I was putty where I stood
I was so close to coming
He hand fucked me so good.

His fingers went in and went out
With big bumps, jumps and kicks
And with hops and big thumps
And all kinds of bad tricks
And I said,
“I do NOT like the way we play!
If you father were to see this,
Oh, what would he say!”

Then the phone rang, “Ring Ring!”
And Beautiful B jumped with fear.
“Yes the elevator stalled!
We are quite fine in here.”
“Oh what will he do to us?
What will he say?
Oh your dad would not like it
To find us this way.”

“So get dressed fast.”
Said the Beautiful B
This is our floor.
Our floor
Our floor don’t you see.
So he picked up my panties
Up off of the floor with haste
He held them to his nose
And said, “You smell as good as you taste.”

On my way back from a meeting
I discovered a store
So I stopped and decided

To go through the door.
I was in La Perla
Where she bought all her panties

All the lace and ribbons

Was making me antsy.

“See something you like?”
She said very vexing

I felt my cock twitch,

She was so fucking sexy.
“Come with me” She said and pulled me into a room
We were all alone
I knew I was doomed.

She took off her shirt
It fell to the floor with a plop

And I had them! At last!

Those two breasts!
I can’t stop!

Then I said to Ms. Swan

“Now you do as I say.

Look at yourself in the mirror

Watch me fuck you this way.”

“Oh fuck!” said Ms.Swan
“Just shut up and fuck me…
Oh fuck Fuck me please!
Fuck me please!
Fuck me please!

The she shuddered around me
Her box quivered and spasmed

And I came insider her

Fuck me what an orgasm!

I picked up the clothes

Up off of the floor.
I straightened my tie I flung open the door.
And with all of my might

I tried to deny what I felt.
Right before I left I said, “Get the garter belt.”

I was back at my house
Why that Beautiful B
He has some kind of sexual hold on me!
I keep giving in
I have to stop letting go!
But he keeps showing me
These fucking tricks that he knows.

Then I fucked him at his parents
In the bathroom no less.
Then I fucked him in my car
Holy shit what a mess.
Then I fucked him in Seattle
On a chair on the roof
On the balcony, the hotel, the shower, it’s truth!
But here in Seattle
I discovered with glee
I loved Beautiful B
And I hope he loved me.

And then we came back to the Office
And his dad said to us two,
“Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?”

And B and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell him?
The things that went on there? No way!
Should we tell him about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
What would YOU do
If daddy Carlisle asked YOU???


What next?

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18 comments: to “ Dirty Seuss: TwiSoup takes on The Cat in the Hat


    Okay this is my first comment here. I loved it! It just made me laugh and get all sorts of riled up all over again. I already posted a link on my FB page and will be back to read more. Keep it up!


    @Rubies...THANK YOU! I'm glad you dug it. Thanks for the linkage! We appreciate it.


    Hot diggity Damn!
    "Flapping against my ass
    Was ball one and ball two"

    Girlllll, No you didn't! I'll never ever be able to read Dr. Seuss to my daughter again without thinking of that very line....
    You chicks have outdone yourselves, really. I'm giving you a standing ovation, go ahead, take a bow!

    I was just going through the mottions until I met Twi Soup :)


    *jumping up and down and clapping* @lilbitsolo: yayayayay! Sorry we effed up Seuss for you, at least you will be WAY amused whenever you read it to her.
    So glad you liked it.


    OT, but I have to tell you. I took my mom into Hot Topic today, I've recently convereted her to Twilight. She had NO IDEA the merchandise they have for Twilight in there! It was HILARIOUS! If you could have seen her with the Edward pillowcase.......sigh. Sadly, she's not feeling the love for Team Jacob:(


    I hate that there is no edit button.


    We were writing this at Stoney's house while "Little Stoney" was playing outside with the horsies and "5 big black cocks" (really there are 5 roosters and they are black. It was a sorta mistaken trade, but that is so Stoney's story so I won't spoil it) lilbitsolo- you said that you will never see Dr. Seuss the same again.....I guess it is the same for us because all it took was for me to read a page at a time outloud, and both of us would dear up with laughter at all the dirty possibilities!

    The Ball One and Ball two part was completely Stoney....she had that part written already and left me with the computer and went inside for something. I almost dropped the damn thing I laughed so hard at that line.

    @rubiesymusica - thank you so much and welcome to the crazy-ness!


    Oh My Fucking Lord! I think I pissed myself-no, I KNOW I just pissed myself from laughing so hard! That was one of the funniest things I have ever read! You girls rock!!!


    I was laughing so hard I was crying! I love it! :-)

    And then he ripped them.
    As fast as a fox.
    He ripped of f my panties
    And fingered my box.

    This was my favorite part :-)


    I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants. Then I decided I was so hot maybe they are wet for a different reason!! LOL!! So funny!!!


    @SnarcM: hehe...but incontinence is worth it if it was fucking funny right?

    Ms J: So excited you liked it!

    Rachel Z: HAHAH! See I never expected to have that effect and you aren't the first person to say that. I guess that is just an added bonus.

    VW: that like firey heroin?


    This whole thing is the definition of for the win...awesome job girls!


    You girls have outdone your damn selves! LMFAO

    "ball one and ball two"


    Absolutely awesome post.


    And then he ripped them.
    As fast as a fox.
    He ripped of f my panties
    And fingered my box.

    I am in AWE of this!! And you guys in general!! OME I am dying - laughing - SO good!!

    : )


    Thanks for the shout out STY!!! I appreciate it.
    If you like should see what we have coming up next...
    Billy's epic win.


    Thanks again to STY for the "shout out" guys are pretty amazing yourselves!

    Thank you Fire Crotch and Rob's Swiss Miss.....I'm so glad that you all thought it was funny. I know we laughed our asses off writing it!

    And Stoney........I am blushing right now thinking of what we did today with fishnets and the pornstasche!!!! Muhahaha!!




    so i read it. i found it extremely creative, and extremely hot. probably because of the source material, but hot nonetheless. then i had a couple of days to sit on it and think about it. then i started wondering to myself: would a woman really want this to happen? i mean it might be all fun and hot to read this kind of a story in safety, but i'm quite sure that if beautiful b did this in any office anywhere in RL he would be 1-slapped, 2-fired, 3-sued, 4-arrested, 5-subsequently raped in jail. chances are pretty good that if this fantastical scene began to happen in RL it wouldn't get past the first encounter. most of these things, i'm pretty sure would be considered rape by conventional standards. so i guess that brings about another question for me... do women find rape hot? obviously not in the smarmy random frat guy category. but in the he's a really hot guy i would want to fuck anyway category. which THEN leads me to another question - if a strange woman is into this sort of thing, how in the world are you to know and take advantage? because i'm quite sure that beautiful b type tactics with strangers will most certainly end with your swift death, or at the very least, a swollen sack.

    you know, since there's nothing new, i'm going to be forced to work through your archives and leave random comments there. so... Stoney, here's a big fat WHAT UP? to you. and to TwiNabler -excellent to meet you. IF either of you ever even see this. But if this is the kind of stuff you are capable of, you can pretty much be sure that I am not only going to wait for another TwiSoup post, but breath will be bated.

    Is this comment sufficiently long enough? hmmm. i haven't hit the word limit yet. but i guess this is good enough for now. word. :)